Keeping it on.

Well, I have an appointment in October with the surgeon. I'm concerned and excited at the same time. They told me that I'd need to bring $200 for the appointment. My concern is that they should be billing my insurance directly. The hospital that I'm going through is part of the insurance network, so I should only have to pay the co-pay. I won't be able to do this if that's not covered.

My other concern is that after dieting a few weeks ago, I got dangerously close to the line where I no longer qualify for surgery. And even though I can easily loose 10-20 lbs, I've not been able to lose more than that, nor have I been able to keep that amount off. So I don't want to get too low to have the surgery, then later regret it because I can't keep loosing. So, I'm trying really hard to keep at a certain weight. I want to maintain about 242 lbs. I don't want to gain, and don't want to lose. At least not till I've been fully approved and they tell me to start loosing.

I need the surgery. Period.

I'm looking forward to the liquid diet. It'll be refreshing to not eat for a long time. I know, that sounds totally anorexic doesn't it? Well, I feel better when I don't eat so much. I know that I don't need to eat so much, and frankly, if left alone, now that I know how little I really need to live; I'll probably become anorexic!