Giving myself permission

I haven't been running, watching what I eat, or writing on this blog.  I'm not banded very tightly.  I'm depressed.  
   I've gained weight. ( I was in a 14 edging towards a 12, but now I'm edging closer to a 16 instead. )

Jump back a month or so... to the beginning of June. After my long running sabbatical I tried to do it again.  I got back out there like a champ and ran 2 miles.  Then when I couldn't do it very well, for many reasons, I beat myself up for it.  I hated that I wasn't able to run like I had just a month before that.   Which of course is stupid thinking.  I had just started a new medication for manic-depressive disorder and it was throwing me all out of whack, I also hadn't been taking my asthma meds and that didn't help any either.  All the other times I'd run, I was on my asthma meds.  What did I think?  My asthma was just gonna disappear??  Well, I tried this I think... twice... and gave up.  I stopped caring at all.  No running, barely any walking, no exercise at all for a week.  Then I tried the elliptical once.  That wasn't too hard, but I did it at work, and it was hot and sweaty and inconvenient.  Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Ugh.

Now, here I am, I haven't run since then.  Over the last weekend, which was a long one, I took a 4 day weekend to take a little mini-vacation to Portland, I walked ALOT.  We toured Portland, went to the Saturday Market, and a Sand Castle building thinger.  We also took a walking tour of Portland's haunted places.  All fun, but tiring.  My legs were KILLING me.  I was happy I did it though.  I didn't cry about the pain, I just kept walking. Sunday on the way home we even stopped at the beach... and uh.. walked.  lol

Yesterday, after having some time to rest, I went for a run.  Yay!!  Only about a mile, and I felt like I was dying the whole way.  I stopped every now and then to walk, but I ran most of it.  I did a good job.  I've decided that instead of beating myself up for not being able to run 3 miles, I should give myself permission to fail a little bit.  

Its better to try and fail then not try at all, right?

Current weight:  ?